Mary Bernard

For those of you waiting for the next installment of the Potty Training Chronicles, read on…

Today was AMAZING. Both boys went pee AND poop in the potty. I can’t believe that neither boy had any kind of accident. No peeing on floor, couch. It all went in the potty.

We also had dry pants for car rides and a grocery store trip.

I think this will be my last potty training report. And I am thrilled.

Well, today it finally all clicked. Both boys went several times in the potty. Yippee!!!

This morning I was desperate for a break. So, I just put diapers on them and we went to the Y.

Once we got home, though, we went to underwear again. Within a few hours, Seth went first. Spencer followed soon after. (I think the positive peer pressure helped.)

My stomach did a flip-flop when Seth said, “Mommy! Finished!” It’s funny to me how excited I got over the liquid deposit.

I think we’re well on our way. Hooray!

I am really physically tired.

And also just tired of interacting with my urinating boys all day long.

Still no pee in the potty.

The closest today was Spencer running to me, “Mommy! I need to go potty.”
“OK, Spencer. Pull down your underwear and put your pee-pee in the potty.”

(I begin the mad-dash-scramble to the potty as Spencer squeezes his legs together and watches the pee run down his legs.)

“Mom. Wet. Wet.”

Sigh.

I had a fun present today as I got to change poopy underwear. Seth didn’t seem fazed by it.

Yippee. More fun awaits tomorrow.

We finally made it to the ballet recital! Whew! What began as excitement way back yonder in September turned into a sometimes hysterical uber-reluctance to practice dance. My theory is that Susanna just couldn’t embrace the restraints that the discipline of ballet demands. No talking? No shouting? No running around, doing whatever one wants to do? Oh, and she really struggled to wear the same leotard, tights, and ballet bun every single week. I think ballet just cramped her style a bit too much.

I have to admit that I was more than a little bit disappointed that she didn’t love, love, love ballet. I danced (ballet, tap, pointe, jazz, acrobatics) for 14 years. I wanted Susanna to love it, too.

I got my day, though. All of MY dreams came true as I dressed and made up my little ballerina. When I was pregnant with Susanna, I remember commenting that I wanted a little girl so that I could fix her hair.

Dance recital day lived up to all my expectations and then some.

I have very little to report. Lots of peeing everywhere except in the potties. The boys are liking their Elmo/Thomas/Bob the Builder/Buzz underwear and are moderately fascinated with being diaper-less.

They would LOVE to eat marshmallows (their reward for putting their pee-pee—even just a few drops!—in the potty), but so far it has not motivated them enough to make it to the potty before the pee comes down their legs.

Lots of “uh-oh, Mom!” and pointing to the puddle on the carpet.

Aargh. I had hoped we’d at least have a smidge of success on Day 1.

• People who would subject themselves to the humiliation of losing on “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader.” These people have post-graduate degrees and white-collar professions but they can’t do basic multiplication or find Antarctica on a map. (OK–I have issues with math and geography, too, but I would NEVER go on TV and tell the world.)

• Goofy Suzanne Roberts on “Seeking Solutions with Suzanne.” Apparently, she’s an Emmy award winning TV personality who is breaking new ground for seniors-targeted television programming. Whatever. All I know is that watching her segment is agonizingly boring, plus it always pre-empts the last 5 minutes of whatever show we’re watching on CNN Headline News.

• Most of children’s television programming. The latest observation: “Johnny and the Sprites.” Odd. Really, really odd.

• Rod Stewart. I don’t find any of his songs the least bit entertaining. I think his scratchy voice sounds like a cat in pain. Plus, he’s not handsome. While I’m sure he has positive qualities, I just don’t understand why he is admired as a sexy singer. He’s just not.

• My children’s early waking. Why do some people have kids who sleep until 7:30? Mine are always awake by 6. Sometimes 5. Sometimes 4. When they are teenagers and want to sleep until noon on Saturdays, I will not say a word. I’ll finally get to catch up on my sleep then.

Do you remember when George Costanza on Seinfeld declared “the summer of George”? He was liberated, he was motivated, he was determined to craft his own destiny (then he had an accident and was paralyzed from the waist down. Instead of having the time of his life, he was in physical therapy relearning how to walk for the remainder of the summer—but I digress).

The summer is upon us, and I declare it “the summer of Mary”! I am liberated (sort of), motivated (definitely) and truly determined to make some positive changes in the lives of our family this summer. (George’s idea involved watching Marisa Tomei movies in his sweatpants. I have a bit stronger work ethic and a family to care for.) We have much to work on.

1. Our home. I’m going to paint some walls, unpack more boxes, and hang some pictures, dang it! I really do have aspirations of interior design, cozy corners, and clean rooms. You’d never know it, though. We’ve been living without decoration for more than a year. I have been so involved with outside projects and freelance jobs that I simply have not had the time to decorate my home. I LOVE the layout and design of my house. It’s time I put my touch on it!

2. Our finances. Chris and I attended an AMAZING financial seminar last week, sponsored by Melaleuca. Melaleuca is the most impressive company with the biggest heart that I’ve ever been involved with. If every company or corporation had the kind of heart behind it that Melaleuca does, the landscape of corporate America and our economy would transform dramatically. Anyway, we are taking the 90-day Cash Challenge. We are going to live by paying cash. I am going to be the most frugal home economist you’ve ever seen. My kids are going to drink lots and lots of free water. I’m going to work my Melaleuca business like crazy.

Our debt is embarrassing. We take full responsibility for it. Some of it we know how it happened. Some of it we have a hard time accounting for. At any rate, we confess and repent of our indulgence and irresponsibility. At the root, it’s sin. We are ready to move beyond it.

3. Our health. I am so NOT an alarmist, everybody-and-everything-is- out-to-get-me kind of a person. But I have to say that for more than a year, I’ve been researching our health and what we modern-day folk live with everyday. While we cannot refute the positive changes in our overall sanitation and food choices and availability, I’m really starting to get concerned that we (collective “we”: modern Americans) have succumbed to the enticements of convenience, money, and indulging our appetites (both figuratively and literally). Look at the obesity rates. Yes, I know, we have a greater ability to gather information and make diagnoses. But you can’t ignore that we have strayed far, far, away from the diet of the Garden (and I’m not one of those, follow the OT dietary laws people, either. I believe the NT explicitly makes all foods “legal.”).

I have cleaned up my home from toxic chemicals and pollutants. I feel good about that. I feel horrible about our diet. I am convicted that our food is nutritionally bankrupt. I hate feeding everyone processed foods just because it’s “cheap” or “easy.” I hate pumping my kids full of sugar, fat, salt, and preservatives. I don’t want them to have an appetite for these things.

So—this summer, we will start eating more healthily. I’ve started looking into raw foods. I don’t plan to go completely raw, but I do plan to begin limiting red meat and dairy. The more I read, the more I’m convinced that a fruit/veggie/nut/whole grain-heavy diet is far superior to a processed/fat/salt/sugar/meat & potatoes-heavy diet. It makes sense. The proper fuel will make the machine function properly.

I’m going to shop for FRESH ingredients at Farmer’s Markets. I’m growing fresh herbs and a few vegetables. I’m going to wade into the bread-making arena.

4. Our routine. Mommy’s slowing down. Mommy’s tired of being tired. We’re going to have more family time, more fun time. I know I only have my impressionable kids for a little while. I’m going to do a better job of making those years count.

Cheers to “the summer of Mary”!

On April 22, 2008, Seth and Spencer turned three. I absolutely can’t believe it.

They are obsessed with all forms of transportation, especially Thomas the Train. We decided to have their party at the Thomas the Train store. What a wonderful decision that was! They didn’t care much about friends, cake, or presents. Just playing with Thomas trains for two hours was bliss.

Spencer and Daddy. Spencer needs more arms to hold onto all of his trains.

Seth is loving it.

How cute is their cake??? Twin Thomases.

This is Spencer throwing a fit because he was dragged away from the train table to eat cake. Poor child!

I am in agonizing pain over most of my body. My teeth even hurt!

Today, I endured the most agonizing body Sculpting class at the Y. The instructor is obviously extremely fit. She just kept going and going, smile on her face, belting out things like–“Only 10 more!” “C’mon you can do 6 more!” And she was happy. And not out of breath. Would take a quick swig of water and keep going.

I am really into those bicep curl exercises where you sit on a chair and do two sets of eight. I like stretching–you know, lying down on the floor and moving your legs to one side then the next.

I don’t really like push-ups. I kind of moderately loathe ab work. And I psychotically despise lunges.

I think she was really into the whole push-up/ab work/lunge thing today.

“OK–now contort your body so that your abs are supporting your legs that are suspended in the air and roll up and crunch. Let’s count down from 100!”

Last week I danced with the 50+ crowd (yes, lots of metallic sweat suits) in their Zumba Gold class. Barely broke a sweat. Nice little diversion.

A calm before today’s killer tornado storm.

Maybe I am a Sculpting girl at heart trapped in a Zumba Gold body.