Mary Bernard

OK, so I’ve had the longest, most draining day in recent memory.

About a week ago, we discovered the Internet phone service offered through Melaleuca’s phone service, called MelaCom. The company they partner with is called Packet8. I was thrilled to find this service so that we could stop our $42 per month AT&T bill (on which we get nothing but CallerID) and start using the $24.95 per month Internet phone where we get unlimited EVERYTHING, reward dollars to use at Melaleuca, and a free phone.

A very, very good deal. Wouldn’t you agree?

Now, I’m sure this is a great company and a great deal. BUT—and what a huge BUT—we have DSL. Through some sort of grand miscommunication, I did not realize that in transferring numbers and so on, we lose the phone line in our house, which thus prompted our Internet provider to turn off our DSL.

So, yea. Currently, we have no home phone and no DSL Internet AND no Internet phone.

After hours—yes, hours (I started around 10 and hung up around 3) on the phone with reps from Packet8, Earthlink, AT&T, and even, Apple, I have finally discovered that to save more grief and avoid more conversations with reps about something that sounds to me like a foreign language, we have decided the best thing to do is to have everything switched back the way it was.

So, my final call today was to AT&T to say that we need a “snap back” (how’s that for technical jargon?) to our old phone line using our old phone number. I’m talking to the lady who puts me on hold a gajillion times to talk to other people who can explain to her what I mean (may I add that I’m not even sure I know what I mean) and so, we finally understand that we’ll just set the service up all over again. In the middle of all this setting up, my phone dies.

Right. In. The. Middle. Of. This. Crazy. Marathon. Phone. Call.

OK. So, I redial only to be connected to AT&T Lady #2 who has no clue what I’m talking about and has to put me on hold a gajillion times to talk to other people who can explain to HER what I mean. After ONE HOUR, our request is now activated so that we can get our phone back.

Of course, it will take ten business days.

Of course.

You don’t even want to know what the children were doing during all of this. Here’s a partial list:
*Empty and unwrapping most of the Dum-Dums in a 2/3 full bag; licking many of the unwrapped ones
*Painting oneself with red marker
*Sleeping
*Screaming, screeching, singing, dancing
*Watching shows
*Playing with dinosaurs
*Eating
*Going potty
*Chasing sibling(s) with foam swords

Is it over yet?

I absolutely love the Fourth of July. I love summer anyway. I love grilling out. I love watermelon. It’s a fun family time with good food, a long day that stretches into night. And you don’t have the pressure of choosing gifts for anyone.

This year, we went to Shelbyville to spend time with Nana and Papa and the cousins.

My nephew, Isaac, is becoming quite the sportsman when it comes to riding, training, and raising Tennessee Walking Horses. He has shown in numerous horse shows and taken many ribbons. And he’s only 11!

My kids got a special treat: riding Wormy (can you believe this horse’s name is “Wormy”?) with Isaac. The boys absolutely loved every single minute of it and could have stayed on longer. Susanna was done after about 30 seconds.

Seth and Cousin Isaac

Spencer and Isaac

Susanna and Isaac: She’s so done!

My brother-in-law, Jeffrey, is such a creative person. That extends to the kitchen, as well.

Several years ago, he introduced these baked beans at a family meal. I think I’ve since seen similar recipes in cookbooks, but I still give him full credit for these delicious beans.

I’ve thrown in a few modifications of my own.

Oh, and like the squash casserole (earlier post), this recipe, too, would not be classified in the “healthy” category. (Maybe one day I’ll post some healthier recipes.)

Jeffrey’s Baked Beans

1 pound ground beef
1 onion, chopped
1 green bell pepper
2 cloves garlic, chopped
2-3 28 oz. cans of Bush’s Baked Beans (with onion)
ketchup, mustard, worcestershire sauce
3-4 strips bacon

Brown ground beef with garlic, onion, and pepper. Drain well. Mix with beans. Stir in ketchup, mustard, and worcestershire sauce to taste, about 2-3 T each. Pour into large casserole dish. Lay bacon on top. Bake at 375 degrees, uncovered, until beans are bubbly and bacon is brown.

I am not a gardener. I am not a gardener. But I want to be a gardener. No, you are not a gardener!

Welcome to my inner dialogue. My hidden turmoil. My anguish over what has never happened and what could be.

No, it can’t.

Yes, it could.

You see, every summer, I reach this purgatory where my reality falls way, way, way short of my expectations.

Growing up, I was always told I could do anything. I believed that the world was mine. All I had to do was take hold of it. Go get it. Just do it.

And I did. And I did.

Anything I ever tried (except for 10th, 11th, and 12th grade cheerleading), I got. I acquired, I owned, and I excelled. This unrealistic floating followed me through college graduation then—SMACK!—life slapped me in the face. I was finally forced to see that no, I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do or even believed I could do.

Don’t get me wrong, the ideas of “you can do or be anything” and “hard work produces results” are quite empowering and true. I’m glad I was raised with initiative and industry. Those traits have taken me far.

But, somehow, I never learned to temper those notions with understanding boundaries and capitalizing on my true gifts. I never embraced the idea of not spreading myself too thin.

So, now, every summer, I set myself up for depression. Every March I have grandiose dreams that this will be the summer I plant and weed and water. Mine will be the bounty of colorful blooms, hearty vines, plump garden-fresh vegetables, and fragrant herbs. I will revel in my accomplishment, enjoy my harvest, and feast my eyes on bursts of color and lush foliage every time I pull into the driveway.

And every summer, July rolls around and I cringe when I look upon my scraggly weeds and undone planting projects.

I have managed to kill a basil plant and almost kill a mint plant. Who kills these hardy plants which withstand heat and cold?

I don’t know why I continue to pine for my gardening success, nor why I want to be a gardener so badly.

So, it’s time to accept the obvious, which is OK.

It really is. I’m not a veterinarian, a bulldozer driver, nor a math teacher. And that’s OK, too.

I am not a gardener.

I am not a gardener.

But you could be!

No, I’m not!

Well, OK, maybe next year.

Our homes are filled with toxic products. Read on for an enlightening, but scary article. It’s especially important if you have children and still have toxic cleaning products in your home.

Wisconsin State Journal
Hazardous Homes Part II: Household products that may be harmful

RON SEELY
608-252-6131

January 7, 2008

Donna Lotzer, poison education coordinator with UW Health, demonstrates how some medicines and household cleaners can be mistaken for candy or health drinks. The second gumball from the left is actually a vitamin. And notice how much the can of Comet sink cleaner looks like the adjacent container of parmesan cheese.

Though most of us think of our home as a place where we are safe from what seems an increasingly dangerous world, we are more often filling our houses with products and chemicals that may threaten our health. And much of the time we’re not even aware of it.

Annual calls to the Wisconsin Poison Center have risen more than 40 percent in the past five years.

Today more than 75,000 chemicals are registered with the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency but less than 20 percent of them have been tested for toxicity. That lack of research means doctors and researchers often know little about the effects these substances have on humans or how much is safe.

Federal labeling laws don’t require manufacturers to list all toxic ingredients on labels so consumers don’t necessarily realize what’s in the products they use at home.

Mary Powers has personally heard the anguish that can come when an accidental poisoning happens in the home.

Powers is manager of the Wisconsin Poison Center in Milwaukee, part of the Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin. But she is also a nurse who answers emergency calls at the center.

And those emergency calls drive home for her the realization that our homes, supposedly havens for our families, can also harbor little-known hazards. Last year, the center received 45,012 emergency calls about accidental poisonings, 75 percent of which came from homes and nearly 66 percent of which involved children younger than 5.

Powers said the phone calls from parents who find themselves in such situations are terrifying. “They’re asking, ‘Is this going to hurt my child? Is this going to kill my child?’ “

But it’s not just children who can be exposed to toxic threats in the home. It could be an elderly couple overcome by carbon monoxide from a defective furnace. Or someone working on the garden who is accidentally doused by pesticide. Or a housewife cleaning her bathroom floor who unknowingly mixes ammonia and bleach and creates poisonous fumes.

“It happens all the time,” said Donna Lotzer, a poison education coordinator with UW Health. “You can get chemical pneumonia. An older person could die.”

Toxic products in the home account for more than 90 percent of poison exposures, according to the Wisconsin Poison Center.

Everyday exposure

While accidental poisoning in the home is a frightening experience, we are generally less alarmed at the increased and everyday exposure to toxins and chemicals about which we are not even aware.

But statistics from the EPA show that the average household in this country generates more than 20 pounds of household hazardous waste per year. Cleaning products, according to the agency, make up about 11.5 percent of the 3.2 billion pounds of waste produced annually in the U.S.

Studies are linking some of these chemicals to illness and disease. For example, consider two organic hazardous chemicals commonly found in our homes that present a cancer risk to the general population that is about 100 times greater than the EPA considers acceptable. These include formaldehyde, which is found in many home products including permanent-press sheets and naphthalene, used in mothballs.

According to the EPA, products we use in our homes can cause a wide range of health effects including eye, nose and throat infections, headaches, nausea, loss of coordination, and damage to the liver, kidney and central nervous system.

Of course, chemistry has also given us plenty in the way of products that make our lives safer and more comfortable. And chemical industry officials say threats from products such as household cleaning supplies are overblown and research on the dangers of the chemicals they contain are misleading because they often involve laboratory animals. Those results, officials say, don’t necessarily mean that the chemicals are dangerous to humans.

Doug Fratz is vice president for scientific and technical studies for the Consumer Specialty Products Association, whose 260 members include manufacturers of everything from disinfectants and pesticides to household cleaners. He said it is misleading to blame health problems on the use of cleaners when the dust mites, mold and mildew brought into the air by cleaning are the more likely culprits.

Hidden chemicals

Frequently, the dangerous substances to which we are exposed are not apparent. That’s because the chemicals that can harm us are hidden in pleasant-smelling perfume or in a poorly-labeled bottle of cherry-red cleaning fluid. The most frequent substances involved in poisoning of children 5 and younger, for example, are personal care cosmetics such as cologne or perfume. These contain ethanol, which can cause intoxication, coma and seizures. Chemicals called phthalates are found in products ranging from nail polish and fragrances to shampoos and hair spray. Some research has shown that high levels of exposure to these chemicals in laboratory animals can cause cancer or reproductive system abnormalities.

But the science remains uncertain. Other reports, including one from the Food and Drug Administration, say there is little risk from exposure to phthalates. Still, some cosmetic manufacturers are removing the chemicals from their products.

Second on the list of products most dangerous to children five and younger are household cleaners such as sanitizers and toilet bowl cleaners. These contain corrosives that can cause internal and external burns. Third on the list are over-the-counter analgesics such as non-aspirin pain relievers; they contain acetaminophen which can cause liver failure.

Inadequate labeling

A big part of the problem is that manufacturers are required to list only “active ingredients” and not all toxic ingredients on labels, according to Dr. Henry Anderson, the state’s chief medical officer and an environmental and occupational disease epidemiologist for the state Department of Health and Family Services. Labels on many household cleaners are a good example, Anderson said.

“There are more and more of these agents such as brighteners, cleaners and polishers,” Anderson said. “You look at the labels and they don’t tell you anything.”

Yet such products are loaded with substances that can be harmful. Disinfectants contain the chemicals phenol and cresol, which can cause diarrhea, fainting, dizziness and kidney and liver damage. Furniture and floor polishes contain nitrobenzene which, if inhaled, can cause shallow breathing and, if ingested, poisoning and death. The chemical has also been linked to cancer and birth defects. Metal polishers contain petroleum distillates, which can irritate the eye and can damage the nervous system, kidneys, eyes and skin.

Powers, the nurse who answers emergency calls for the Wisconsin Poison Center, knows firsthand how little information is listed on many labels.

“I know that many parents have trouble finding the ingredients on a label when they call us,” Powers said.

Packaging can also be an issue. Lotzer gives talks at schools and elsewhere in which she demonstrates how easy it is for a child or even an adult to mistake a bottle of cleaning fluid for a sports drink or a box of chewable vitamins with candy.

Anderson said misleading packaging and inadequate labeling can prove dangerous, even fatal. Over the past several years, he said, two people have died and hundreds became sickened using commercial waterproofing sprays to waterproof their tents, clothing and other outdoor gear. The sprays contain a water repelling ingredient known as a fluoropolymer. Because the chemical resin isn’t considered hazardous at the concentration used in the sprays, federal law doesn’t require that labels mention its presence.

But a cluster of cases involving the sprays in Michigan became known through data collected by poison centers. Studies showed that when the chemical is mixed with other solvents and pressurized in the can it can end up deep in the lungs of the person using it.

‘Green’ products

Growing awareness of the dangers posed by our increasing use of chemicals is bringing some change, however. For example, more “green” products, formulated without most of the harmful chemicals used traditionally, are available.

Robin Pharo, who owns a Mount Horeb company called Healthy Homes and advises clients on how to reduce exposure to indoor contaminants, said safer cleaning products marketed by companies such as Seventh Generation are available on the Internet and in stores such as Target.

Terry Mayhall helps run a Madison cleaning company called Kleenmark and said that a few years ago the company made the decision to switch completely to green cleaning techniques. The company’s cleaning crews use products that are made without harmful chemicals and they are taught to use techniques that minimize exposure, such as spraying cleaners or furniture polish on a rag first instead of dousing the object to be cleaned.

Mayhall warned, however, that even some so-called “green” products are not necessarily what they seem. Some of the companies are also lax in putting all of the contents on their labels. Still, he added, the increasing availability of safer cleaning options to the consumer is a good thing.

The decision to make the change, Mayhall said, was prompted by concern for employees. But the company has found that homeowners are demanding the products they use and now sells many of those cleaners commercially.

— Tony Davis of the Arizona Daily Star in Tucson contributed to this story.

In case of accidental poisoning, call 911 if the person has collapsed, is having seizures or stopped breathing. Otherwise call the Wisconsin Poison Center at 1-800-222-1222 for advice on what to do.

https://writingmomof3.com/our-homes-are-filled-with-toxic/

Summer at home with three kiddos under the age of 5 is about to drive me to the brink of insanity. They go to summer school two days a week. For that, I am more than grateful. The other three days—well, I survive. Just barely.

Sometimes I feel like such a freak. You know, when I think about that lady in Arkansas who is expecting #18. About the only thing she and I have in common is that we both chose names for our kids beginning with the same letter (she: J; I: S). That naming strategy alone precludes me from reproducing 15 more kids. No way I could come up with 15 more “S” names.

So, she’s Supermom: pregnant, breastfeeding, homeschooling, and just exuding a maternal glow during Today show interviews.

I really think I’m the antithesis of Mrs. Mom of 18.

I still look pregnant but have gratefully left the nausea and discomfort far behind. Some days I feel like my greatest parenting strategy is playing Thomas the Tank movies back to back to back. I do exude something, but it’s not a maternal glow. It’s sweat. All I do is sweat. All the time. I’m hot and dripping wet with sweat all the time. Really.

Wednesday, we went to a birthday party for one-year-old twin girls. We met Penny and Rusty and the girls through POTATO, the parents of twins club. We were all excited to celebrate with them. The kids were thrilled to be going to a birthday party. They know that means cake.

I was thrilled to have a fun outing and give them some additional play time.

By the time we got to the party, I felt as if I had made the journey on foot. Hot, sweaty (as I said, always sweating…), tired. Nothing is ever easy. Not even going to a freaking birthday party. Yes, I was the mom who looked as if she had rolled out of bed. No makeup. Hair pulled back (because, as I said, I’m sweaty all the time). I promise I had bathed. All the other moms were adorable. Cute and made up. Painted nails. Skinny waists. Jewelry and makeup. How do you do it?

And, yes, my boys were the ones not tossing, not rolling, but HURLING, LOBBING, balls throughout the party place. My daughter was the one picking up the babies at the party. You know, a grip that vaguely resembles the Heimlich maneuver while Baby hangs on for dear life. Yep, the Bernards partied with bells on.

Oh, and I’m the one who left the tattered gift bag, excavated from my jumbled-up gift wrap stash moments before we left the house. Don’t even ask me how many cute, so-adorable-you’d-want-to-die, polka-dotted, plaid, and ribboned presents were on the gift table.

No wonder I had a headache all night long. Something like someone was driving an ax through my forehead just over my right eye.

Do you think Mrs. Mom of 18 ever has a headache?

Nahhh. I doubt it.

When I meet a first-time expectant mother, I have some misgivings.

Usually her eyes are dancing and her face is frozen in a huge grin. Her belly is swollen with the life inside. She’s going to be a mommy. And expectant moms of multiples are especially chipper. Wow! Two (or more) babies.

Do I break it to her? Do I dare tell her the secret we in this Sisterhood know to be true? Do I tell her about the hardship, the depression, the tears?

Oh, but she knows already. Yes, she’s heard everyone talk about the sleepless nights. She knows Brooke Shields’ story. She may even know my story (the hardship, the depression, the tears).

Yet those maternal instincts—the desire for a baby—override reality. She floats around in a fantasy world for nine months until the first contraction hits.

See, I’m the most idealistic person I know. I kid you not, I had (OK—I still have them sometimes) daydreams of getting all sorts of chores accomplished in my picket-fence-surrounded cottage while my little cherub slept peacefully (on a schedule) in the bassinet next to the large picture window. (Yes, I hear you laughing.)

Imagine my surprise when I found myself sobbing in a tattered bathrobe that reeked of sour breast milk.

What was I thinking? Me, a mother? This was no June Cleaver adventure! Where was my cottage? God gave me a colicky, screaming baby (and later, TWO colicky, screaming babies), not sleeping cherubs. A friend once said that she believes people always say to the expectant mother to enjoy her upcoming “sweet time” because NOBODY actually does enjoy it. It’s not sweet! It’s agony.

I think—through some odd combination of God-ordained amnesia, romanticism, and those ambiguous “motherhood hormones”—we re-write our own histories by living vicariously through our pregnant friends and relatives.

I really have no recollection of much of those early days. It’s kind of like an alternate reality. I KNOW I went through it. I KNOW I lived it. I do remember some aspects of the pain. But it almost feels like I remember a movie I watched. Yes, it was an emotional experience. Yes, the feelings can come flooding back. But, now—unlike then—it seems like it was all worth it and then some.

No, it’s not a June Cleaver cottage. It’s not the easiest road. It’s the hardest work EVER. It’s giving yourself to one or more human beings every single day.

That’s what makes it so rewarding.

But it’s HARD. Did I say that already?

And, so, I do feel a certain obligation to the Sisterhood. I want to warn her. I want to tell her that more than likely, it’s not going to turn out like she thinks.

But the good news is that it’s not going to turn out like she thinks.

After the tears are dry and the sleep returns and she starts moving in her groove, one day she’ll notice something unfamiliar.

The feeling of overwhelming love is unlike anything you’ve experienced or expect.

Maybe that’s the most wonderful sisterhood secret of all.

Last night I served my family (our parents included) my first foray into preparing a raw foods dish. I made a “fruit cobbler” for dessert. It was really, really good. We couldn’t believe it didn’t have any sugar! I got rave reviews from my test kitchen. (I’ll post the recipe in a separate entry.)

I read this in a raw food cookbook I checked out of the library (my addition in italics):

My body is … [God’s] … temple. My body isn’t a discount body. Just because something is cheap or free doesn’t mean I need to eat it, especially if I know it’ll do me more harm than good.
—Ani’s Raw Food Kitchen, Ani Phyo

Check out her website here: Ani’s Raw Food Kitchen.

I am also loving this Scripture verse right now:

“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.
—1 Corinthians 10:23 (ESV)

I think it’s quite illuminating that the second part of that verse speaks to the good of one’s neighbor. I don’t want to hyper-spiritualize this issue (but since I do believe the Bible speaks to every molecule of our lives, I think this is appropriate…), but I really believe that all of our (humanity’s, broadly and our family’s, specifically) issues with healthy eating, weight gain/loss, healthy living, disease, epidemic obesity, environmental concerns, etc. stem from each seeking his or her own good. Indeed, we are self-absorbed, self-seeking, self-satisfying, self-indulging creatures. We have mass-produced plants and animals until they are stripped of their natural health benefits, all for the indulgence of our insatiable appetites. We have created more and more ways to feed our sweet and fat and salty tooths, all to the detriment of our health. We pour millions of dollars into fast food so that we can have it all right now. And all of this seeking for our own good just creates addiction to more. It’s powerful. It’s destructive.

I don’t know why it’s all kind of an epiphany for me to figure out that the way I eat—my food addictions, my idolatry of satisfying cravings, my lusting after french fries—is, first and foremost, a sin issue and an inevitable aspect of the Fall. But, I am, for the first time, kind of seeing all of this through new lenses. I don’t think I’ll totally abandon all of my eating patterns, but I am ready to embrace more healthy foods and free myself from the bondage of sugar, fat, and salt.

I’ve completed my first week now of “conscious eating.” I have very deliberately paid attention to my body as I have drastically reduced my intake of sugar, fat, and processed foods. (I know this seems a little ironic, being posted after the squash casserole recipe.)

Each day I’ve tried to eat high fiber/protein for breakfast. Lunch has been either a tossed green salad and fruit or black bean/whole wheat burrito and fruit.

Guess what? I have noticed more energy throughout the afternoon. A greater satiation that lasted throughout the evening.

And as I suspected, stopping the sugar and fat helped REDUCE the cravings for sugar and fat. Eating sugar and fat brings on a greater desire for more sugar and fat.

Oh, and I lost about 1.5 lbs. this week. 🙂

I can’t help it. I’m a Southern girl, raised on my mama’s yummy cooking. Hers is good comfort food.

And while I AM committed to overhauling our family’s diet (and have been doing a pretty good job getting started this week), I refuse to totally abandon all my favorite dishes. I say, everything in moderation (I’m just working on remembering the definition of moderation).

So I cooked my mama’s squash casserole tonight. It was a wonderful complement to salmon.

Thought I’d share it with all of you.

Squash Casserole
4-5 yellow squash, chopped
1 onion, chopped
2-3 slices bacon
1/2 stick butter
1 egg, beaten
salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste

Boil squash, onion, and bacon until tender, about 20 minutes. Drain squash and onion and remove bacon. Melt butter over hot squash mixture. Add beaten egg and seasonings. Use hand mixer or food processor to blend until almost pureed (I like it with a few chunks of squash throughout). Pour mixture into square casserole dish. Bake at 375 degrees for about 30 minutes or until bubbly and browned around the edges.