Mary Bernard

I’m glad we live in a neighborhood with underground utility lines. And I don’t know why that makes me happy, but it does.

I don’t understand and have never understood those fake backgrounds for professional or school portraits. You know, the ones with the bridge over the stream or the fall foliage. I mean, do they think someone is going to look at that and think, “Oh. My precious MacKenzie is standing there in a grassy meadow with the sun setting behind her back”? C’mon. They look so fake. Thank you very much, but I’ll choose a solid blue background every time.

OK. In 2009, who needs to have a real, live human being give them turn-by-turn directions? Have you heard of a thing called the Internet? I mean, we have all sorts of mapping websites and GPS systems. Just give me a street address and I’m good to go. Yes, I know these things are not always reliable, so if you find yourself lost on your way to my house, THEN you can call. But, seriously, make a good faith effort first.

I have been a bit reflective this week as I’ve remembered Patrick Swayze’s role as Orry Main in North and South. Of course, I loved Dirty Dancing, but this is the role I most fondly associate with Patrick Swayze. This mini-series was a fixture of my high school experience in the mid-80s. My dad won our very first VCR (the enormous dinosaur that it was) in a sales contest at work. The first thing I ever recorded was North and South. Then, I proceeded to watch it over and over and over. Orry, George, Madeline, Brett, Ashton, Virgilia, Billy … oh, how I loved the saga! (If you’ve known me forever, you know that I’ve always loved historical fiction set around the Civil War. Gone With the Wind is my all-time favorite movie.) Farewell, Patrick and Orry. You will be remembered and missed.

Mark your calendar for October 12 for a lunch/brunch gathering hosted by @LeisaHammett.

Read more at Leisa’s blog.

I’m so excited I can’t stand it. I can’t wait to meet my bloggy friends IN REAL LIFE!

See you there.

I’m always looking for new ideas on time management, prioritizing, and efficiency.

As I’m writing more (both here and for $$$ in the real world), I’m finding it hard at times to balance my time among writing, home, work, family, church, kids’ school events/volunteering, and so on.

When do you write? And how do you prioritize your other responsibilities?

My problem often is that I get “sucked in” to other online temptations: reading/commenting on blogs, Facebook, and Twitter. When I have writer’s block, I’m all too happy to tackle the laundry or dishes; while at other times, I have a hard time unearthing the computer because it’s buried under piles of dirty clothes. Most of the time, I don’t feel like I have balance.

Any ideas for me? What works for you, your writing time, and your family?

I’d love to hear from you.

Or …

First, a little background for historical context:

About six years ago, I stumbled upon a small online/email group of women who follow Reformed theology. If you’re not familiar with it and want to know more, read this. Basically, the Presbyterian denominations are based upon it (as is the Presbyterian Church in America, of which I’ve been a member for fifteen years). Reformed tradition holds to the teachings of John Calvin. You may recognize the words, sovereignty of God, predestination, or election. We believe in all of those.

The Reformed denominations can cover a lot of ground and many different nuances. One of the things that most Reformed folk think they’re really good at is grace—and most are. Some, however, can be intolerably narrow-minded even towards their “own like-minded sisters and brothers.”

Anyway, eager for heavy-duty theological discussion, I signed onto this Reformed Women (RW) group. Sometimes interesting topics were discussed with prayer requests added every week. I said my two cents here and there and was always treated cordially. (I did become annoyed with repeated references to political viewpoints during the 2008 election but brushed it aside, just FYI.)

Soon the group expanded to Facebook (FB) and Twitter. I became a member of the group on FB and friended the main moderator and followed her on Twitter.

Well, everything was hunky-dory (you know, we exchanged Scripture, favorite recipes, and family photos) until …

I posted MY OPINION on MY FB PROFILE regarding a recent event that just happened to include George W. Bush.

(If you are reading this on Facebook, you can look back on my profile to read what I’m referencing.)

I saw this article about a Texas school district that refused to air President Obama’s speech to school children last week but are taking school children on school buses to hear President George W. Bush speak. I couldn’t believe the absurdity and hypocrisy. My finger hit the “share on Facebook” button so fast. The inconsistency and contradiction were ridiculous.

And so, with a CLICK, I posted it to my profile. For a split second, I thought, Hmmm. I bet someone will have something to say about this.

It wasn’t long before the moderator of the RW group was begging me to come forward to explain why I had a problem with this. My other friends quickly jumped in to voice their opinions, which matched my opinions exactly.

The RW moderator offended them by insinuating they had not researched the two situations and questioned their faith. Furthermore, she questioned the validity and sincerity of my faith, as well, and invited me to a private exchange via email or the RW group. (Upon reflection, I think she hoped to move the discussion onto her turf where she had more leverage in pummelling my opinions and had more “supporters.” It was obvious that she was outnumbered in the discussion on my profile.)

I quickly explained my position in a fair and bi-partisan manner on my public profile.

This was her response to me:

from Jacy Joypals

This saddens me but I thank you Mary. I think you know after our many years of association where I stand with this. I am praying for you.

And with that condescending remark, our “relationship” was severed.

Blackballed. Kicked out. Cast aside.

She de-friended and BLOCKED me from her FB friend list, removed me from the FB group and her Twitter feed, and removed my blog from the RW blog list. I’m sure she’s already kicked me out of the original email group, but that’s harder for me to figure out (and frankly, I’m tired of investigating this seventh-grade drama).

I see how meaningful “our many years of association” were to her. Hmmph.

The discussion continued with my friends’ (Christians and non-Christians; Reformed believers and others) getting my back. My sweet husband posted a theologically sound defense of my remarks and as one friend noted, “kicked a$$.”

My first reaction was shock. I knew we didn’t see eye-to-eye on some issues, but so what? I never dreamed in a million years that a leader of women’s ministry—who has been in leadership for a few decades—would be so petty and well, just downright mean.

Honestly, though, I’m pleased. Pleased that I have defended my beliefs no matter their unpopularity. I’m pleased that I—usually a real people-pleaser who wants EVERYONE to like her and think she’s smart—didn’t back down when confronted with the possibility of pissing someone off (though I really never dreamed she would go this far).

I am pleased that my writing has elicited such ire and action because I think that means I’m doing and saying something right. Right?

I’m terribly disappointed, though, too. I’m disappointed in her behavior. To cut off all ties with me based on my opinion of a rather insignificant matter is such an immature display. Kind of like a two-year-old’s throwing a tantrum when he or she doesn’t get his or her way.

I think she was gone before she could have seen how much she offended some of my friends, to whom she owes an apology. To judge someone’s faith based on what he or she says on a FB post is—from a logical standpoint—asinine and—from a spiritual standpoint—Pharisaical.

And what of the example she has set of Christianity in her interactions with me? How do her words and actions represent the gospel? Seriously.

I’m appalled that her “true colors” show her to be intolerant of her sister in Christ, judgmental, angry, rash, and legalistic. Love of Christ? Unity of the body? Peace and purity of the Church? Uh-hum. I *think* I’ve read a little something about those somewhere along the way.

No wonder people leave the Church, labeling us intolerant, opinionated hypocrites.

Sadly, no wonder.

I’ve posted before about how my kids have napped beside the kids of country music stars at preschool. Well, yesterday I bravely entered the armpit of Bellevue (aka the Bellevue branch library) with the two boys. Again, they were begging for a Scooby-Doo book. I figured I could maneuver the online catalog pretty quickly and decided I would take my chances on the initation of Armageddon if they were to run wild while I was scrolling through the library catalog.

I had just located a S-D book when a little girl walked up to us. I recognized her and her mom. She remembered my boys from preschool and wanted to say hi. Her mother is country singer Lari White, who also happened to play a role in the movie Cast Away (the woman who drew the wings on her packages and Tom Hanks’ character intercepted them). I, of course, knew who she was instantly. But I totally played it all cool and had a mom-to-mom chat, because you know, she is well, a mom.

And I just kind of loved that little chat we had. And I just love that in Nashville, Tennessee, you bump into regular ole moms in the armpit of Bellevue.

Tonight, I was so tired from working one of my four part-time jobs. I came home and every piece of meat I had was frozen solid and we had Hamburger Helper last night.

We decided to eat at the Loveless Cafe. I had actually never been, but I totally loved it. It’s really so neat that this uber-famous landmark is—literally—in our backyard.

And just as we were getting out of our car in the parking lot, a friend from the boys’ preschool and his mom hopped out, too. It was such a fun, happy thing. And so, we ate with them and got to know them better. In the process, we discovered connections to friends of their family. That’s always fun, isn’t it? To realize you know someone who knows someone who knows someone? About mid-way through the meal, one of the teachers at the boys’ preschool walked in with her husband. We all laughed because we enjoyed seeing friends we recognized.

This is why I love living in Nashville, especially our little southwestern corner. It feels so familiar. I LOVE bumping into friends from school, church, and the Y at the grocery store, restaurants, and the pharmacy. I love that I pulled behind BlondeMomBlog in the car rider line at our daughters’ school yesterday and hopped out to have a face-to-face chat (we had never met in person before). I love that the grandfather of my boys’ “best friend” (a precious little girl) and my father-in-law once worked together.

I think these little experiences have got to be a wonderful shadow of what heaven will be like: an endless excitement of seeing loved ones—and knowing them completely—and enjoying all that goes with that.

I had a little Labor Day Surprise: two more happys for my blog. Redhead Riter gave me her Sunshine Award and the Superior Scribbler Award.

So, now, I pass on the Superior Scribbler to five blogs that I love.

I’m a sucker for funny stories, great writing, and honest emotion. All of these ladies are “must-reads.”

1. Suburban Turmoil
2. Blonde Mom Blog
3. Milk Breath and Margaritas
4. Mommy Needs a Cocktail
5. Jumpin’ on My Last Nerve

The rules for this one:

• Each Superior Scribbler I name today must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
• Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
• Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to this post, which explains The Award.
• Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we’ll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor.
• Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog

He loved us more than His own life! The pelican feeds her young ones with her own blood. Oh! sirs, Christ is our pelican, who has nourished and fed us with His own blood. “My flesh is real food and my blood is real drink,” says Christ.

. . .

Christ bled love at every vein! His drops of blood–were drops of love! Yes, the more bloody He was–the more lovely! He was most lovely upon the cross–because then He showed most love to us!

Christ took upon Him our shame–that we might be partakers of His glory!

He died our death–that we might live His life!

He suffered our hell–that we might enjoy His heaven!

He endured the sorest pains–that we might enjoy the sweetest pleasures!

He went through the furnace of wrath–to keep us out of the flames of hell!

Oh! how infinitely does He love us!

Excerpts from “Christ Is our Pelican,” by William Dyer, Christ’s Famous Titles, posted on Grace Gems. Sign up for daily email devotions from Grace Gems.

Wow! I received my first blogging award this week from Kaibee: the Swanky Award.

Thanks, Kaibee!

The rules are simple: When you receive the award, just pass it on to deserving bloggers.

I would like to pass it on to:

Brigid Day: Brigid’s writing is so captivating. I always find myself engrossed in whatever story she’s telling. She’s funny and poignant. A “mom blog” with great stories.

Surprising Joy: OK, so Jennifer is one of my very best friends. But even if she weren’t, I’d still love her blog! Her posts are filled with her humor, intelligence, and love for Christ.

Life As I Know It: I love Natae’s blog for its diversity. Hilarious, thought-provoking, fun photos. You’ll find it all here!

Congrats, ladies! Pass on the award to your top picks.

Well, it’s Labor Day weekend. The official end of summer. I’m always sad when summer draws to a close. I am thankful for the cooler temps, but then that just means that it’s going to get cold. Really cold. And my skin will start to itch. And night will fall at 5 p.m. and all the plants will die.

And, so, in “celebration” of the demise of foliage, I want to let you know that, for whatever reason, I’ve become more self-aware this summer.

Perhaps it’s true insight. Or perhaps it’s just that I’m finally to the point that I’m ready to accept how cuckoo I really am.

At any rate, I have observed my behaviors and attitudes this summer. I have listened to my inner dialogue to catch glimpses of my true personality. Here, I share my insights, mini-rants, and observations.

1. I stay hot from about mid-March until the end of October. Hot. Like sweaty and dripping wet where I have to mop off my face just to get the make-up to stick (on those rare occasions that I’m putting on makeup). Therefore, I really do not enjoy outside events or parties or picnics. Eating outside in the sweltering heat is not fun for me. It’s just not. Unless an ice-cold pool is involved, would you please consider having your child’s birthday party indoors? Thank you.
2. I know that you are trying to save on your electric bill, but when I pass the thermostat in your house and it reads anything over 75 degrees, I really have to rethink our friendship. I’m hot, OK? It’s 95 outside. Could you crank it back to at least 73? Especially if you ARE having a party indoors. See #1. Thank you.
3. If I have paid you or your organization money for some conference, seminar, class, or similar function, will you please, please, please be organized? At minimum, I expect a nametag, a folder or notebook, and a cup of coffee. I am so “over” attending events that suck up my time AND my money. Double or triple boos if the venue is not well-ventilated and cooled. See #1.
4. I think I have some claustrophobia issues. I guess I’ve always known this in a way. But now, even large crowds in a large area kind of give me a little smidge of panic. I am eager for people to just move along and clear out then I am happy to exit. Of course things aren’t any better if I happen to feel too warm. See #1.
5. I am not a gardener. At least I didn’t even try this year. I talked a good game, but when push came to shove, I didn’t even fill one flower pot with a geranium. For good measure, I even managed to kill the Mother’s Day petunias the boys gave me. Maybe it has something to do with #1?
6. I’ve kind of boiled it down to two things I do well: writing and cooking. I want to THINK I’m really good at a lot of other things. But I’m not. Really. Not. Oh, and finding space in the dishwasher for one more dish. I’m good at that, too. But writing and cooking and dishwasher dish placement are good, right? All indoor activities. Don’t have to worry about #1.
7. I’m starting to find my way through the Blogosphere and Twitterverse. I’ve decided that bloggers (at least the ones I read) are a lot like me. And that’s why we like each other and like to blog and like to read blogs. It’s connection and expression and relationship without all the issues surrounding #4. Another indoor activity; a definite plus. I know a lot of people feel intimidated by the Internet, think it’s a grand waste of time or think it’s a breeding ground for crime. While it can be all of those things, I suppose, I’m beginning to see how other talented people (especially moms) find their outlets for their craft. Many of these talented women write of blogging as therapy. Oh, yes. That is so true for me, too. As a writer, I wonder why I didn’t embrace this sooner? (Oh, yea. I was having PPD breakdowns and nursing twins.) My sense is that the Web and the Blogosphere must be for our generation of writers something similar to what the printing press was to writers in the 1400s (Wikipedia supports my line of thinking).
8. Too much extroverted time drives me to depression. I MUST be alone just to stay sane. Please leave me alone. (And I mean that in the nicest sort of way.)
9. I have a bit of a rebellious streak and will act on it if pushed. Don’t get me started on how the Bellevue branch library is actually the armpit of Bellevue and how I will–from this summer forward–send my kids traipsing through the library dripping wet with those giant-bigger-than-their-heads circular, multi-colored, lollipops in their mouths.
10. I am getting older. From the office chit-chat that reminds me of the young’un I used to be to my early bedtimes and general lethargy, I’m not 20 anymore. I’m barely 30 anymore. I know, I know. I’m not that old. Still, I think it’s telling that I got excited to bring home two free pill organizer thingeys (one for morning; one for evening) from the pharmacy for all my supplements and meds. On our anniversary, Chris and I saw a preview of an upcoming documentary about dolphins and were captivated. He later remarked, “You know we are getting old when we are excited about a dolphin documentary.” I think I really need the upcoming year to gracefully accept my turning 40 in 2010.

Oh, **sigh**. So long, summer of 2009. I learned a lot.

Once upon a time, a girl and a boy met and married and set up house in a small apartment in Green Hills. The girl and the boy loved their home even though they didn’t have a washer/dryer hook-up inside their unit.

But, alas, the community laundry room was in the building just across from theirs. Every week, the girl would load up all of their laundry (usually on a Wednesday afternoon), detergent bottles, and a handful of quarters, and wash their laundry—three loads simultaneously.

The week’s laundry was usually finished within a couple of hours, always by dinnertime.

Then the boy and the girl eventually had three children and got their own washer and dryer. The girl now has more than ten loads of laundry every week. She swears the piles of dirty clothes spontaneously multiply when she’s not looking, and she’s certain she’s heard discarded pants and tops and socks mocking her, “Nah-nah-nuh-nahnah! We’re bigger than you are.”

Never a free moment from the tyranny of laundry.

And so, the story continues. The girl frequently finds herself longing for the days of three-loads-a-week in the community laundry room at that cute little apartment complex in Green Hills.

And they all lived happily (?) ever after.