Seeing My Sin In The Middle of a Crisis

Going through a crisis has the strangest way of exposing all sorts of things about you, your beliefs, your feelings, your relationships, and your sin.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying that any of these things—or your doing or not doing something—causes the crisis or that God is somehow punishing you with a crisis because of something you did or did not do.

Certainly, of course, a crisis may result from the natural consequences of one’s actions (mismanagement of money leads to bankruptcy), but God never sends calamity as punishment for your sin (as Pat Robertson is likely to teach).

What I’m saying is that while one is going through crisis, God will use the time and the circumstances to reveal many things to you. During our time of unemployment, a dwindling bank account, a diet of rice and beans, and a stripped-back life of just the essentials, God has hit me in the face with my sin of idolatry of money.

I know that I’ve struggled with this forever. But I’m telling you: until I’ve been in this utterly dependent situation, I’ve not fully confronted the depth of how committed I’ve been to this sin.

Day Seven

I love money. I love having enough and more than enough. I love pretty things, I love convenience, and I love comfort. I love being able to coast along on auto-pilot without much regard for stewardship or planning.

I resent people who have more money than I have. I’m constantly plagued by comparing myself to others and their monetary situation. I am jealous and critical. And then I become depressed. Depressed that I don’t have enough and depressed that I’m a lousy steward of what I do have. Depressed that this particular sin has taken up primary residence in my heart.

I don’t have a magic formula for identifying sin, confessing and repenting of it, and moving past it. No. But I do know that as I’ve found myself in this crisis, I do believe that God is working in many ways — and on this specific way with me.

Seeing My Sin, Confronting It, and Repenting

First, I had been praying that God would reveal my sin to me. Yea. A dangerous prayer, but important nonetheless.

Second, I continue to pray for his revelation of my sin to me.

Third, I pray that he—in all of his perfection—would be everything and more to me than my idols. This is an ongoing exercise that’s a mix of prayer, journaling, meditation, and talking to myself. I am fully dependent and trusting on God—not material items.

Finally, and this is a biggie!—I pray that God would empower me to turn from my sin and deliver me from my own insecurities and jealousies.

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