The Mr. Magorium Meltdown


Yesterday, I took the kids to see Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. Each summer, Regal Cinemas offers weekly FREE movies.

This seems like the perfect outing, right? DARK theatre (Mommy can nap). Air conditioning. Seated in comfy chair. Children seated and distracted. Tasty popcorn. $1 soda (because we have managed to hang onto our Regalator giant cups, which they will refill for $1 but don’t offer to sell anymore. Yes, these are among our most prized possessions in our home and would certainly be on the short list for items to grab in case of disaster.)

So, off we go to our “special treat.” A movie! In a theatre! With popcorn!

Everyone pees before we leave the house. Very important.

Now. I know. I was really stupid to think that a “kids’ meal” at the movies would cost any less than $5. But I did. I was kinda thinking, $2 or so. And because I never get to read, evaluate, or discern when I’m with my kids, I succumbed to marketing. That giant KIDS’ MEAL COMBO sign was beautiful. “Three kids’ meals, please, and one refill soda in my Regalator.”

“That will be $18!”

Eighteen dollars???? I could have ordered a pizza for that. Oh my goodness.

(I still am not sure what those kids’ meals actually cost, because, you know, I don’t get to read, evaluate, or discern any kind of posted signs when I’m with my kids. But I guarantee you one bag of popcorn would have been substantially less.)

We traipse on in to the show.

Let me just say at this point that this movie has to be one of the worst I’ve seen. Boring and slow. Trite plot and character development. And Dustin Hoffman was just kind of annoying with a lisp and fake overbite teeth. But, again, I was thrilled because it was dark, air conditioned, and I was seated.

With about a half hour left, the boys start getting antsy and Seth announces he has to go potty. Spencer does, too. BIG SIGH.

Potty trip #1.

Back in the theatre.

Five minutes pass. Dustin Hoffman’s character is about to die (I really don’t think I’m spoiling much for you here).

Seth announces loudly he has to go poo-poo this time. Spencer does, too.

Potty trip #2 with both boys pooping simultaneously in different stalls (twins really do share everything).

Back to the theatre and Dustin is dead. The movie concludes with a predictable ending.

OK. Time to go. But, of course, we must have a meltdown first, right?

Spencer had taken off his sandals in the movie and they had been kicked to the row beneath us. I asked Susanna to take our trash to the trashcan and I would get Spencer’s sandals. But I had to walk out our row, down the aisle, then back up to get to the sandals.

Mid-trip, my 6 year-old possessed daughter starts screaming, “Mom! I’m ready to go home!!!! Mom! You shouldn’t have let him take off his sandals!!!! Mom!”

Calmly, I said, “We are going home. I have to get his sandals. Calm down and get control of yourself.”

I don’t know what was going on with her. Maybe overstimulated with the movie, the emotion, the music? Scared I was going to leave her?

To stares from sympathetic parents, she screamed all the way to the van.

And that was our fun-filled, restful, “free,” summer treat movie day. Can’t wait until next week.

  • Erin

    Oh Mary…., bless you. I would have gone with you if I could have. Lovin' the "free" day. What the heck was up with the $18??