"That Girl"

If there’s one character-building transformation that I’d like to think I’m working on, it’s wanting to feel good—no, great—in my own skin. To accept the unique gifts God has given me. To embrace my particular calling.

It’s not that I question if I have gifts and a calling. It’s just that I want to have MORE. Or ALL of them if that’s possible.

I don’t know why I’m like that, exactly. My friend, Jennifer, says that I see the benefit in everything. But she reminds me that I can’t do everything.

So true, so true.

So what ends up happening (usually) is that I bite off everything and then I’m way too overwhelmed to properly chew and swallow anything much. I need help with prioritizing, I guess.

I always say I want to be “that girl.”

“That girl,” who:

  • grows her own veggies and herbs
  • keeps her van cleaned out
  • reads all the classic novels
  • goes to bed at midnight and gets up at five
  • not only works out at the gym daily… BUT ALSO
  • does “boot camp” and circuit training and yoga and zumba and spin and every other I-think-I’m-going-to-die class they offer
  • keeps her nails polished and her spray tan current
  • doesn’t allow her kids to watch too much TV
  • makes crafts with the kids every day at the kitchen table
  • is caught up on her scrapbooks
  • flosses daily
  • always has the kids’ party presents purchased, wrapped, and tagged at least 3 days prior to the birthday party
  • unloads the dishwasher first thing every morning
  • makes mouth-watering cookies at Christmas
  • loves housework

Hmm. But I’m not that girl. I’m not.

I read a story about a young mother whose dream it was to hand-weave an authentic Native American rug. She kept putting it away for the “next season,” when her kids wouldn’t need so much of her time and attention. She realized while her kids were young and needy, she only had so much to give. So, she did.

It was—literally—30 years before she finally started her rug project.

I would hate to think that it will be 30 years before I can do some of the things I want to do. But I also must be honest with myself that some of these things on my “that girl” list may be convenient distractions. I’ll tell you. Sometimes I find my life pretty rote and predictable. “Daydreaming” about all the excitement everyone else is having in their tanned, Zumba’d bodies while they work on their scrapbooks is a convenient idol for me.

Embracing. Prioritizing. Accepting.

I’m working on it.