Mary Bernard

Thanks, everyone, for participating in my Halloween costume poll.

I had 13 votes. Wow! Didn’t know I broke double digits with my reader count.

Princess Leia, R2-D2, and Yoda won, taking 9 votes!

Oh, my! What pressure.

Now I’ve got to come up with actual costumes.

(And you know I’ve not even started. Not even.)

My first car, the Buick Skylark (circa 1981). Ours looked like this one but was kind of yellowish/tan with a brown roof. One of my sister’s friends dubbed it, “the family size sports car.” I think I lost count how many times it was wrecked.

I really have a lot of fond memories around cars in high school.

Did you play “freeze out”? When it’s really cold outside, you roll down all the windows and turn on the A/C full blast. You see how long you can go before someone says, “enough.” We’d play “heat out,” too, in the summer.

One friend, David, got his grandmother’s (how’s that for humility–a high school boy gets his grandmother’s car?) little baby blue hatchback wagon. I’m not sure what make and model it was. But it was oblong. He nicknamed it, “the Little Blue Suppository,” and that it was. My friend Sherry reminded me the other day that once when David was riding us all around, someone (probably me) chastised him for driving too fast. So, he started driving slowly. Much more slowly. Like 20 miles an hour. And Sherry remembered that he drove the Little Blue Suppository (LBS) at 20 miles an hour all the way across town.

My friend, Hunter, could always make me laugh. He had a real impatience with other drivers. (If Hunter was in the car during the SLOW LBS ride, I’m sure he was fuming!) Unfortunately, most of these were older persons who were in no particular hurry and probably a little bit indecisive anyway. He was perpetually waiting on some car in front of him or facing him at an intersection to decide what to do. Was the car turning left or right? Would the car take his turn at the 4-way stop? When could Hunter go?

“Commit to the intersection!!!” Hunter would yell, hoping to spur on the indecisive driver in front of him.

I would just laugh and laugh.

Now, Hunter’s words play over and again every time I inch up to a 4-way stop or red light. I am committed to the intersection and all its rules! My biggest pet peeve lately is when it is not my turn to go at the 4-way stop, yet the driver of another car waves me through. I throw up the obligatory hand wave, as if to acquiesce that I am the dumbest driver on the planet who needs the driver opposite me to tell me when to go.

But that’s not the case, and going through the intersection out of turn just messes up the whole thing. I don’t know, like throwing off the balance of the universe or something. Like wearing mismatched socks and eating breakfast for dinner (yes, I’ve done it but it still doesn’t feel right to me).

Heed Hunter’s words, people, and “Commit to the intersection!”

Please.

I’ve sort of waited around to write about the election because, well, I’m just so darned confused!

The level of inconsistencies and hypocrisy among candidates and supporters on both sides continues to astonish me. Just when I hear something that, to me, rings authentic and refreshing, I find out within a day that it’s just another misrepresentation of the truth.

What I find so interesting is my friends’ level of allegiance to … something? I can’t put my finger on it because for the life of me, I don’t understand how they can so vigorously defend (while vigorously insulting the opposition) either candidate/party when each has such glaring shortcomings. My friends wouldn’t tolerate such behavior in their children, yet they participate and condone meanness and truth-stretching when it comes to cheering for their politician or party. For many, support comes down to one or two “litmus test” positions. People: do you understand that the politicians know this? Once they take a stand on a certain something and let you know that, they know they have you. I beg you: listen, read, investigate. Strategists know which issues motivate the party. Sadly, these positions can be convenient distractions from other issues.

Can you not see the hypocrisy in all that’s spinning around right now? Palin supporters are virtually dismissing her daughter’s pregnancy, while I can almost guarantee that had Chelsea Clinton gotten pregnant out of wedlock, we’d never hear the end of what a bad, absent mother Hillary was. Remember the ire about Hillary’s comment in 1992 about not “baking cookies” and “standing by her man”? What criticism from the Right! Well, that’s what Sarah Palin is doing: away from her home and not baking cookies, yet the Right seems sort of quiet on that subject.

Now, the Left is quick to jump in with criticism for Palin who has chosen to pursue a career and have five children. All of a sudden, the Left is concerned with how a mother will take care of her children and her job. If Palin were a man, this wouldn’t be on the radar. The Left questions her decision to have a fifth child at her age, in her addition to her career, and with known special needs. For those critics who also claim to be “pro-choice,” aren’t you 100% “pro-choice”? A consistent position would have supported her decision to abort, while also supporting her choice to conceive whenever she chooses and bring that pregnancy to fruition. (I am pro-life, but my point here is that I abhor inconsistencies in argument and defense. Even if I disagree with your position, I respect it more when you are consistent in its presentation.)

I do agree with the consensus of the political commentators that the election has turned away from issues and towards one of personalities and culture wars. While personality and lifestyle and likability are all important, we must have a shred of discernment when it comes to lending our support. Guess what, people? At the end of the day, politics and government in today’s country are all about business. Marketing and spin and lobbyists and special interests have hi-jacked the process. Sadly, many of us play right into their hands. We are a people who have been shaped by advertising and satisfying any whim when we choose.

So, it’s no wonder that we rally around those candidates that we perceive are “just like me” or “understand my plight.” For real??? I’m not discounting their experiences or passion (which may or may not be real; I don’t know for sure because I am jaded and now don’t believe much of what anybody says), but by virtue of where and who they are, they are not just like me. No way. It’s not their current plight to be overdrawn (again!) with no milk in the house and still five days to the next payday. It’s just not.

I still don’t know who I’m going to vote for. My fear is that even if I hear or see some stance or ideology in a candidate that I support I can’t be certain he or his administration will go that way at all. In my mind, it’s all a crap-shoot. Just shut your eyes, do “eenie-meenie-miney-moe,” and hope for the best.

Our country needs critical reform and return to Constitutional standards. Unfortunately, I’m not sure we’ll get it with these candidates in 2008.

And once the election is over and the new administration is sworn in, I fear we’ll all go back to the dailiness of life. We’ll continue to complain about and cheer for superficialities while our children’s future continues a downward spiral.

(Spencer holding crotch, squeezing legs together and hopping.)
Mom: Spencer, do you need to go potty?
Spencer: No. I’m just jumping.

(Spencer holding crotch and flailing arms and legs.)
Mom: Spencer, do you need to go pee-pee?
Spencer: No. I’m just dancing.

(Spencer holding crotch and running in circles around the room.)
Mom: Spencer, do you need to go potty?
Spencer: No. I’m just jogging.

My kids are cheese addicts. I have tried really hard to acclimate their taste buds to REAL cheese, as opposed to FAKE cheese. For the most part, I have been successful. They like Colby Jack and Mozzarella, Feta and Cheddar.

By himself, Spencer could consume a block of cheese in one sitting.

I vacillate between being concerned that my kids are consuming too much cholesterol and fat and being thrilled that they are enjoying NATURAL snacks full of calcium and protein. Somehow, I can’t settle on any middle ground.

So this brings us to our latest cheese experience. Always on the lookout for new ways to get healthy food into my kids, I decided to give the little Babybel cheese rounds a try. A friend had mentioned they are good for lunch boxes and snacking.

I found them at Publix–almost $4.00 for six pieces. Ugh! Sixty-something cents per piece of cheese. That’s pricey cheese! I was debating if I should I try them or not.

Then–there in the middle of the Publix cheese aisle–reality gave way to my Mommy Vision. You know the one. I’m always dressed in pressed chinos and pearls, busily working in the home while the children flit gaily about:

Mom: Children! Time for a wholesome, tasty snack!
Kids: Coming, Mother. Thank you, Mother!
Mom: Today, children, I have Babybel cheese pieces. They provide calcium and protein. They are the perfect size for tiny fingers to unwrap. I’ll pack them in your lunchboxes, too. They come in this beautiful red wrapper with this darling picture of the cow. Don’t you want to gobble, gobble, gobble them up right now?
Kids: Oh, yes, Mother. Show us how to unwrap it. We’ll quickly discard the wrapper then eat every bite of the cheese because we understand that you paid almost SEVENTY CENTS per piece. We’d never dream of wasting a morsel. And we will be satisfied with this cheese and look forward to the piece of cheese to come in our lunchboxes this week.
(Children and Mother cheerfully gather around the kitchen table to partake of Babybel cheese snacks.)

Ah, yes. So with that vision playing in my head, I confidently placed them in my grocery cart. Still optimistic, I pulled out the Babybel cheese snacks today at lunch.

Let us re-cap the important facts: six in a package. Almost seventy cents per piece. Healthy! Natural! Shiny, fun red wrapper! Self-contained! Perfect for tiny fingers and lunchboxes. Protein! Calcium! Cute cow picture!

Mom: Hey, kids. Wanna try this new cheese?
Kids: Yay! Cheese! Yea!
Mom: OK. Here let me help you unwrap it.
(Mom and kids working on the wrappers.)
Chorus: Wait! No, don’t eat the wrapper. No. You eat the white part. Mom!!! I can’t get the wrapper off. Mom! Mom! Mom! Unwrap it. I want one. I want one. Mommy, let me try. I can do it.
(Wrappers now off, and children take a bite. Susanna disappears, though I don’t notice at first.)
Spencer: Mom! Don’t like it. (Goes to the bag on the counter. Starts to pull bag down. Cheese pieces perched on edge of counter in the bag.) I want the purple one.
Mom: There is no purple one. They are all red. And you have one. Eat that one first, then you can have another one.
Spencer: No! I don’t like it. I want the purple one. (Pulls the bag down and starts pulling out wrapped ones. Babybels scatter across the floor.)
Seth: Mom! I want a cheese slice.
Mom: No. You have cheese right there. I’m not opening a cheese slice when you have this cheese. Eat this cheese.
Seth: I want a cheese slice.
(Susanna reappears. Somewhere in the back of my mind I’m thinking, “where was she? and what about the cheese?”)
Susanna: Mom! I want another one, please.
(Yea! At least one child is eating the healthy, nutritious snack!)
Mom: Wow! You already ate that one?
Susanna: No. It dropped on the floor and I threw it in the trashcan.
Mom: What? Where?
Susanna: Mom. It dropped on the floor and I threw it away. That’s gross, Mom.
(Remember… almost SEVENTY cents each. Would it be salvageable, I’m wondering…?)
Mom: Where is it? Why didn’t you tell me? We could have washed it off.
Susanna: No, Mom. I threw it in the bathroom trash.
(Ewwww. Definitely a goner.)
Mom: OK. Here’s another one. Now eat this one. These are expensive!
(Boys meltdown and are done with cheese and lunch altogether. Boys go to nap.)

Mom eats one Babybel discarded by Spencer. Mom puts two wrapped Babybels back in fridge. Mom puts Seth’s discarded but untouched Babybel into baggie for the fridge.

Let’s see… time for inventory: That’s four, plus Susanna’s in the trash.

Mom: Susanna did you eat that last Babybel I gave you?
Susanna: (Nods.) I ate some but didn’t want the rest so I threw it in the trash.

After today’s lunch adventure I’m just wondering why I didn’t take the $4.00 and buy myself a vanilla latte at Starbucks?

Poll Results for When Will Mary Finish Work on the Boys’ Room?

3 votes for “by Labor Day”
1 vote for “after Thanksgiving but before Christmas”
3 votes for “sometime in 2009”
1 vote for “the boys will be in college before the room is finished”

OK–well, to the three of you optimistic friends, sorry to say that I won’t make the Labor Day benchmark, since it’s tomorrow. The room looks EXACTLY the way it did 3.5 weeks ago.

To my other voters: Thanks for playing. I really think it will be “sometime in 2009.” I will keep you posted, as I know many of you are dying of curiosity to see the finished product.

Because I’ve been running behind on life since—oh, I don’t know—fifth grade, I’ve decided this year I’m going to be ready for the upcoming fall season.

I simultaneously embrace and dread October, November, and December. The fall is full of fun activities, but it’s also the busiest time for our family.

So, I woke up the other day and it hit me that Halloween would be here soon. Then, Thanksgiving. And, oh no, Christmas. Last year my Christmas cards and letter were mailed weeks after Christmas. I figure if I get started NOW—in the middle of August—maybe I’ll get them out by Christmas Eve.

I want to do something really cute for the kids this year. I need your help to vote in another poll about your favorite costume idea. I’ve thought of Princess & Two Frogs; Princess Leia, Yoda, & R2-D2; or Dorothy, Lion, & Scarecrow. If you have other “combo” ideas, I’d love to read them in comments section.

OK—then, next I need to start preparing Thanksgiving dinner. And, Christmas shopping? Wrapping?

Ugh. I better get started.

Today my first-born began her school career. Susanna went to Kindergarten.

It was a wonderful day. Chris and I walked her to her class, and she was so eager to begin her day. She was reluctant to even stop at the front door for pictures. “Come on! Let’s go, let’s go!” she said.

She looked adorable in her standard school attire (they don’t call it a “uniform,” per se).

Chris and I stayed for the “Boo Hoo” breakfast, designed to help parents make a clean break from their children.

But I’m not really sad. I’m excited. I have always loved school. It’s crazy, but it’s as if I get to live vicariously through my kids’ school experiences. I love learning new things, having new experiences, and meeting new people. Susanna gets to do all of that now! She has a lifetime ahead of learning and that’s exhilarating to me.

Chris described it well. It’s a feeling of “no turning back.” We’ve hit yet another milestone of parenting. The preschool years have passed.

The absolute highlight of the day: Susanna has her very own locker
with her name posted on the outside.

Susanna and her teacher, Ms. Sullivan. It’s going to be a great year!

In the 21st century blogosphere, what’s the way to earn a little extra cash?

Forget yard sales or odd jobs.

In the blogosphere, it’s all about page clicks.

So, I’m following a fellow blogger’s lead and participating in Blog the Recession. She’s rallying mom bloggers everywhere to help each other out just by taking a look around others’ blogs.

Simple, really. Just read my blog. Like you’re already doing. And tell your friends.

Thank you and the children thank you.