Today’s Epiphany

Today, on the eve of my 38th birthday, I realized that I am …
1. Slow and
2. Tired.

You see, a control-freak, perfectionist such as I really wants to be …
1. Quick and
2. Energetic.

But, alas, I AM NOT.

Perhaps it’s my age. Or my kids. Or all those all-nighters I pulled in college the night before the test/the essay was due/the speech was to be made. Maybe it was the 14-days-in-a-row (12-hour) shifts I’d work in TV news and I’m burned out.

I think it’s also just a healthy dose of Genes or The Way God Made Me.

I’ve always been a procrastinator. But as I’ve gotten older and The Basic Necessities of Life tend to take so much time on such a regular basis, I’ve also become Tired.

Slow and Tired don’t mix very well.

But as with most every other quirky aspect of my life, if I really try to uncover a Deeper Meaning or a Lesson to be Learned, I can.

You see, when I’m Slow and Tired, I have very little of Me left to rely on. In a Slow and Tired fit, I wonder how in the world I’ll get it all done? I constantly look around me at all the Quick and Energetic and deride myself for my slowness and tiredness. I lose sight of the blessings of being Slow and Tired: Deliberateness, Thoughtfulness, Caution, Ability to Rest.

Once again, God is trying to teach me those same ole lessons. Stop the comparisons to others. God’s approval–not man’s approval–is the only one that matters. God made me me and gave me my life, my personality, my abilities, my responsibilities for many different reasons, chief of which is to glorify God. Relying on my own strength–whether I’m Slow and Tired or Quick and Energetic–is always a plan for failure.

God says that his strength is made perfect in my weakness. When I am Slow, God is always Timely. When I am Tired, God never ceases to uphold the universe.

I read a prayer from someone a few days ago that asked God to make the writer’s home a “showcase of God’s glory.”

I also pray for a showcase of God’s glory, grace, love, and strength.

What better way for him to do accomplish that than with a Slow and Tired mom like me?